The Healing Balm
by Spydurwebb
Summary: Grief is a complicated emotion for any species, and Time Lords are no exception. After the Time War, a newly regenerated Doctor arrives on Earth with a fuzzy memories and a lot of pain. An old friend is there to help him, and in turn help herself.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** THE HEALING BALM (1/8)

**Characters:** Sarah/Nine  
**Word Count:** ~2290  
**Summary:** Grief is a complicated emotion for any species, and Time Lords are no exception.

Immediately following the events of the Time War, a newly regenerated Doctor arrives on Earth with a fuzzy memories and a lot of pain. Someone from the Doctor's past helps him work through it, and together they realise some things are still unsettled between them. Set before the 2005 TV season for the Ninth Doctor and set post School Reunion, but pre-SJA for Sarah. May be some slight spoilers for the book "Bullet Time", but it's not necessary to have read it.

CHAPTER ONE

Sarah Jane Smith walked towards her house from the Tube station after a rather disappointing meeting with her editor. As she turned the corner to Bannerman Road, a man staggered out of the alleyway in front of her and collapsed. She glanced around to see if anyone else was around before scanning the man with her watch as she ran over to him. She frowned at the results and pulled out her sonic lipstick, just in case.

She knelt down and gently felt for a pulse along the man's wrist. She jumped as she felt his pulse racing. Reaching up to double check the pulse along his neck, she gasped as his eyes flew open and he reached out to grab her hand. As he exhaled, a golden glow escaped him. 'Gone, burning, destroyed,' he mumbled as his blue eyes bored into hers. 'Help me.'

She took in his appearance, the piercing eyes, close-cropped hair, ears that seemed too large and the oddly fitting Victorian clothing. She stared into his eyes, coming to a quick decision. 'Can you stand?' she asked him. 'I can help you, but I need to get you away from here.'

He nodded slowly, and she struggled to help him up. As she began to help him walk away, she looked around and saw the familiar blue police box parked nearby. She couldn't help frowning as she saw smoke billowing around the edges and coming out of the doors. She would've stopped to check, but she could feel herself supporting more of his weight. Her small stature wouldn't be able to support much more. She'd have to come back once she had him settled. She adjusted her arm supportively around his waist. 'My house isn't far. You'll be safe there.'

~!~!~!~

As Sarah settled the man into a semi-recumbent position on the sofa, he reached out and grabbed her hand. His eyes tore daggers through her almost as much as his words. 'Do I know you?' he asked weakly. 'You look familiar. I'm sure I know you.' He sniffed slightly and tilted his head. 'I'll figure it out, I'm sure.'

'You need your rest, you've been through a lot.' She changed the subject quickly. 'Would you like some tea?'

He nodded slowly. 'Yes, perfect thing to mend the dendrites.'

With a small nod, she finally pulled her hand away from his and walked into the kitchen. After putting the kettle on, she stood and looked out the window and finally allowed the tears to fall. The tea was as much for her comfort as it was for him. She knew instantly that this Doctor had suffered something traumatic. It must've been what prompted his regeneration, given the golden glow she saw in the alleyway. She could feel pain and loss coming from deep within him as powerful as if it was happening to her. She had no way of knowing exactly which version of the Doctor this was, so she had to be careful not to give too much away until she could figure it out.

The last time she'd seen him was at Deffry Vale. He'd said it had been a half a dozen regenerations since they'd met, but the more she added it up, she knew that couldn't have been true. The Doctor in her living room could be any one of him. Well, almost any one of him. Any one after the fifth, but not the seventh or tenth, she figured, based on her memories.

She remembered the Death Zone on Gallifrey. She saw four of him standing together, only missing the one she did the majority of her travelling with. She was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to remember, yet the memories were there. She saw another version of him in Hong Kong around the time of the British handover. At the school he told her that everyone died. Could the Doctor in her living room, the one who just said that everything was gone and destroyed, could he be the one that experienced the Time War?

He'd told her about the war the night they'd been investigating the Krillitanes. Rose and Mickey had left them alone for a bit. With her, he talked openly about the last great Time War between the Daleks and the Time Lords. She held him as he broke down and cried, giving him what small comfort she could. She was one who knew him before and now after. Even as he told her, he swore her to secrecy. Some of the things mentioned he dared not say to Rose. Rose hadn't been there at the creation of the Daleks and seen his anguish at not being able to destroy them there and then. He didn't want any pity from her, and knew pity wasn't an emotion he'd get from Sarah.

All of these things went through her head as she continued to stare out the window. Her mind was brought back to the present and to the Doctor that was currently resting on her sofa. She knew from experience that his memory was a little fuzzy immediately after regeneration. She wasn't going to do anything to aid his disorientation, but she wasn't going to give him any more information than was necessary at this point.

She had to wait and see how this all played out.

~!~!~!~

One she made sure the Doctor was comfortably settled on her sofa and would sleep for a bit, Sarah tucked her TARDIS key into her pocket and made her back towards the alleyway. She glanced around to make sure no one was watching her as approached the blue box. She reached up and touched the door and felt the pulsing rhythms she was so familiar with.

She took out her key and carefully unlocked the door. As she opened the door, billowing smoke poured out. Coughing, Sarah worked her way into the console room and looked around. She could barely make out the vaguely Victorian décor, but smiled wondering what sort of person his former regeneration was like. She headed towards the interior door but found it locked. 'What happened to you?' she asked aloud. She walked back to the console and gently reached out and put her hands on the console. 'I'm sorry to have to ask you this but I need to get you into my back garden. You'll be safe there, and can recuperate in peace.'

Once she felt the agreement from the TARDIS, Sarah reached out and threw several switches and levers, preparing the TARDIS for flight. With a shudder and grinding noise, Sarah was rewarded with the time rotor moving ever so slowly. A few seconds later, the whole room shook with a thud as the TARDIS landed. Sarah patted the console lovingly. 'Thank you. No one will bother you here, so take all the time you need to heal.'

She frowned as she felt the piercing ache coming from the TARDIS herself. She smoothed her hands along the console soothingly. 'Hey, shhhh, don't worry, you take care of yourself, I'll look after him, I promise.'

Sarah walked out and smiled as she recognised her own back garden. She'd worry about the crushed daisies later. Having the TARDIS healing in a safe place was more important. Besides, she had a promise to keep.

~!~!~!~

Sarah stood in the door and watched as the Doctor slept. After him only fitfully sleeping on her sofa for twelve hours, she realised he might need to find him someplace more comfortable. She roused him and finally got him moved into her spare bedroom where she hoped he would get some proper rest. As she'd gotten him settled, she'd paid attention to make sure there were no visible signs of injury. She knew him well enough to know that many times his scars went way deeper than mere physical, but she needed to be sure there was nothing obvious. She knew him well enough to know he could wear emotional scars right into his future incarnations.

She looked at the black velvet jacket and vaguely Victorian waistcoat, ascot and shirt she held in her hands. These clothes didn't fit the new face. They never did. She made a mental note to go pick up a couple of things for him in the morning. As she looked back at his sleeping form, there was a part of her that just wanted to leave him be, but another, stronger part of her told her she needed to stay nearby. It was a feeling she couldn't shake.

It wasn't long before she knew why. As she watched, he began to thrash around, as if in pain. She quickly tossed the clothes on a nearby chair and sat beside him on the bed, trying to talk to him, but nothing seemed to break him from his nightmare. She leaned over him and with all her strength used her arms to try to pin his arms down. 'Shhhh, Doctor, you're safe,' she stated repeatedly.

After a minute, he began to calm down. Once she was sure he wouldn't flail his arms anymore, she sat up and ran a hand consolingly down one of his arms. His eyes flew open and as they did, he reached out and grabbed her upper arms in a vice-like grip. She couldn't help but gasp at the force in which he held her. 'Doctor?' she asked, her shocked voice not allowing her to say more.

He released her arms just as quickly as he'd grabbed them, and instead reached up slowly to gently touch her face. 'I know you,' he said as his eyes locked on hers.

Sarah flinched as he touched her, then wanted to kick herself. She knew deep down that he would never hurt her, but the force behind his earlier grip on her arms frightened her slightly. In this slightly confused state, she honestly wasn't sure what he was capable of.

Her reverie was broken as he repeated, 'I know you.' She closed her eyes, trying to figure out how not to damage any timelines. She absently wondered if he would even remember this once all was said and done. As she opened her eyes, he was still staring at her. 'Where am I? What happened?'

She sighed sadly. 'Oh Doctor, I only wish I knew what to tell you.'

'You know me.'

'I do. I know you well.' She decided to answer the easiest question first. 'You're in my house, in Ealing. London. On Earth.'

He tried to sit up, but only managed to get as far as propping himself up on his elbows. 'Sarah Jane?' he asked softly, before shaking his head. 'That's not possible. You died, in Hong Kong in 1997. Your last words to me were that you couldn't forgive me.'

Sarah absently rubbed the spot just above her heart where she still had the nasty scar, a physical reminder of just one of the many wounds she carried from that encounter. 'Not everything is as it seems, Doctor.' She quickly changed topics. 'How are you feeling?'

He flopped back down. 'I should be dead.'

She reached out cautiously and ran her hand along his close-cropped hair as she spoke softly. 'No, you shouldn't. You're here and you're alive. That's what matters.' She stood up. 'You should get some sleep. It's the best thing for you now.'

Too tired to argue, he was asleep again before she even had a chance to leave the room.

~!~!~!~

Sarah sat at the kitchen table going through the paperwork for one of her aliases. As she pulled out the passport for "Felicity Barnes" she frowned as she looked at the expiration date. She would need to renew that one soon. Taking a deep breath, she took off her reading glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose to fight off an impending headache.

Truth be told, she hadn't slept much the night before. She was up every hour or so checking on the sleeping Time Lord in her spare room. He'd not had any more nightmares, and apparently hadn't even moved since their exchange earlier the previous evening. She knew that as general rule, the Doctor didn't sleep much, but she also remembered that right after regeneration, all rules went out the window.

She closed her eyes, stretched and yawned all at once. She jumped as she opened her eyes and saw the Doctor standing right in front of her. She instantly noted that he was wearing dark jeans and one of the t-shirts she'd left for him early that morning. She stood up quickly, 'You're awake.'

'Yes, I am.' He glanced down at the paperwork and then turned to her, trying to reconcile the name he saw on the paperwork with her face. 'Thank you very much for letting me rest here, Felicity, but now I must be off.'

'Wait a minute,' she started, 'You can't just go.'

'I have to. Time for me to go. That's what I do. I go, never stopping, not for anyone.' And with that, he was quickly out the door. It was only then that she registered that he'd called her by the alias even though he'd used her real name the previous evening. Something was wrong.

~!~!~!~


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Sarah walked quickly outside as the Doctor made his way across the yard towards the TARDIS. She took a deep breath as he reached out to unlock the door. She could just imagine him flying off to who knew where and getting into any sort of trouble before he'd had a chance to fully recover from his regeneration.

She knew from experience that she couldn't forbid him to leave, so she tried quickly to think of an excuse, but nothing was forthcoming. She watched as he rattled the TARDIS door before whirling around to face her.

'What did you do to my TARDIS?' The glare in his eyes was frightening, and not what she was used to seeing from him.

Determined not to let him rattle her, she answered sharply. 'I didn't do anything to her.'

He stalked over to her, 'You had to, she won't let me in.'

'Have you asked her why?' Sarah walked around him and put her hands on the doorframe of the TARDIS. Closing her eyes, she waited a moment before turning and facing the Doctor. 'She's rebuilding. She was badly damaged and used all her reserves to get you here. She just needs time.'

The Doctor crossed his arms. 'Come on, Sarah, you can't tell me she just told you all of that.'

Sarah crossed her arms just as defiantly. 'Ask her yourself and see if you get a different answer.'

He shot the TARDIS a lingering look then sighed dramatically. 'Great, so I'm stuck here on a planet with all you primitive apes until my TARDIS decides she's finished with her interior decorating.'

Sarah approached him slowly. She lowered her voice. 'It's not that simple, Doctor, is it?' She waited for him to respond, but he only looked at her, an emptiness haunting his eyes. 'Do you want to tell me what prompted your regeneration?'

'Which one?' he asked softly.

She reached up and touched his arm. 'The one that dumped you and a smoking TARDIS in the nearby alley.' He looked around and hesitated to answer her. 'Inside?' she offered. 'Over tea?'

His eyes finally locked with hers. 'Yea, all right,' he relented.

~!~!~!~

They sat in silence and drank their tea. After what seemed like an eternity, the Doctor looked up at her, 'So, Felicity Barnes, how do you know who I am?'

Confusion crossed her face. 'Why do you keep jumping back between calling me Felicity and Sarah?'

He stared intently at her. 'Sarah Jane Smith? Impossible.' He ran his fingers along "Felicity's" passport before spinning it and pushing it across the table towards her. 'Says here you're Felicity.'

'It's an alias. Same way you use John Smith.' She could tell he still didn't quite believe her. 'Back when you were with UNIT, you used it all the time. It was the only name you ever used, actually. When we met at the research centre, you were introduced as Doctor John Smith.'

He closed his eyes as if remembering. 'And you posed as your aunt,' he said slowly before opening his eyes again.

'That's right, as Aunt Lavinia.'

'The virologist.' He instantly smiled, a face splitting smile that ran from ear to ear as full recognition finally hit him. 'My Sarah Jane! You're alive!' He stood up and pulled her out of her chair to him, picking her up off the floor as he held her in a bone-crushing hug.

He sat her gently back on the ground, but continued to hold her close. She couldn't help but smile. 'Another new face to get used to,' she said softly.

He pulled back enough to look her in the eyes, but he kept his arms looped around her waist. 'No wonder the TARDIS was talking to you.'

'And she brought you here. Do you want to tell me what happened to bring this on?'

He shook his head. 'No, not now.' He tightened his grip around her and buried his head in her neck. 'I know I watched you die, Sarah. But you're here. Alive. I need to hold you, just feel your being alive.'

Sarah wrapped her arms around him and as she put her hands along his back, she could feel him began to shake with silent, mournful sobs. Her eyes filled with tears as raw emotions poured from him.

~!~!~!~

Sarah sat at her desk in the attic and stared at the computer screen in front of her. Barely suppressing a yawn, she took off her reading glasses and ran a hand over her eyes. As much as she normally enjoyed the Doctor's company, the feelings that radiated from him were wearing on her. Like any species she'd encountered, grief was a complicated emotion at best.

The door to the attic flew open, causing Sarah to jump. She turned and looked over as the Doctor rushed into the room. 'The imprint!' he exclaimed. He walked over and knelt in front of her to stare into her eyes. 'But I broke it, how is this possible?'

Sarah's heart practically stopped. _'I thought you died. You didn't come back and I thought you must've died.' _Her own words echoed in her mind. For the longest time after he dropped her in Aberdeen, she held onto hope that he would return, and then one day, she felt his loss as palpable as if she'd been struck. Now she knew why. She finally found her voice. 'You broke it?' she asked softly.

He jumped up and began to pace around the room. 'I had to.' He glanced at her but offered no explanation. 'Yet, the TARDIS found you. And you still communicate with her. But I don't feel the connection with you.' His thoughts came in bursts as he tried to work his way through the logic. 'Unless. I never knew when it happened. Relative time streams. It's broken for me.' He dropped roughly onto the small sofa, a frown etching his features. 'Oh, Sarah. It must not have happened for you yet.'

She stood up, walked across the room to sit next to him and waited for him to speak.

He reached out and took her hand, gently massaging his thumb across the back of her hand as he thought. 'The imprint being intact for you is the only thing that makes sense. The TARDIS homed in on you because of it. When I broke it, I had no way of knowing when that would be for you, relatively speaking. So if it was broken for you here and now, there'd be nothing there for the TARDIS to find.'

'The TARDIS is smart, I'm sure she could figure something out, no matter what.' Sarah knew what happened but she also realised she had timelines to maintain as much as possible. She decided to focus on something else, so she squeezed his hand reassuringly. 'If the imprint is what brought you here, then certainly there must be other Time Lords…'

He shook his head, cutting her off. 'Nope, I'm the only one.' He sat back and crossed his arms, thinking. He then reached up and tapped his temple. 'I know, in here. They're gone.'

'It can't be outside of the realm of possibility that somewhere, sometime…'

'No Time Lord ever imprinted on another species before. Unheard of. Not even thought to be possible until they found out that we were able to.' He closed his eyes, memories washing over him. 'The ridicule never stopped, even during the war.' He looked over at her, sadness pouring from his eyes. 'Wasn't separating us enough?'

Sarah reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 'I'm sorry.'

He turned and wrapped his arms around her. 'I'm the one that's sorry, Sarah. When we made the decision, well, I never meant for it to turn out like this.'

She could hear the sincerity and pain in his voice. 'Like what? Like the ability to always know you, no matter what face you wear?'

'It stopped you from having a normal human life.'

She pulled back to look at him. 'In what way? Because I'm more familiar with aliens and their thought processes than humans despite being stuck on a planet full of them?' The words spilled out with a bitterness she never intended. She hugged him again. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I've never gone for a normal human life, Doctor. Nothing could have changed my mind about our imprint back when we were travelling together, and I still don't regret it now.'

The Doctor pulled away from her as he sighed and sat back, staring straight ahead. 'I tried to replace you, you know.' His head dropped. 'I failed, miserably, because no one can replace you. Even after I was forced to break the imprint, I was lost.' He looked up at her, hope in his eyes. 'Maybe it's a side effect of being imprinted on a non-Time Lord. Maybe it's permanent?'

This time it was Sarah who turned away from him. She stood up and walked over to her desk, leaning on the chair, head bent. She took a deep breath as she came to a decision then turned and looked at him. 'No, it's not.' At his horrified look, she approached the sofa, but didn't sit down. 'I don't know most of the details, but I do know it already broke, for me that is. It was when we were in Hong Kong.' She stared at the floor and when she spoke it was barely above a whisper. 'I thought I'd really lost you for good after that.'

He stood up and wrapped his arms around her. 'You could never lose me, Sarah.'

She held on to him tightly and buried her face in his chest, knowing this was more about him than her at this point. They stood there in silence, holding each other, yet lost in their own thoughts for several minutes, both afraid to move or speak.

Finally, after what seemed like hours for both of them, he spoke softly. 'I don't understand how the TARDIS…'

She cut him off. 'I can't give you the details. All I can say is that our timelines are out of sync again. Although, I'm glad they are, if that's what brought you here, now.'

He pulled back and reached out to take her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks gently with the pads of his thumbs. He stared intently into her eyes. 'The imprint has been re-established for you, hasn't it? I can't feel it fully, but I know there's something there.' He paused as he reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind one of her ears. 'I have trouble believing you'd do that, especially knowing what it cost all these years later.'

'It was the one thing that tied us together. I needed that. I needed you.' She took a deep breath. 'Call it being selfish, I guess.'

He shook his head, but his eyes remained locked with hers. 'It's not selfish, Sarah. If anything, I'm the selfish one. An imprint, with a human, not once but twice?'

She reached up and covered his lips with her finger, silencing his argument. 'We made the choice together. We both knew the consequences. I know what it feels like for you right now, to look in the eyes of the person you care for the most and not have that connection, and I didn't want to go through the rest of my life like that.'

~!~!~!~

Sarah sat on the edge of the bed and shook him gently, trying to get him to wake up. A ritual she'd had repeated several times in each of the previous three nights. 'Doctor, you're having another nightmare.'

He woke up, gasping for air. Realising his surroundings instantly, he relaxed. 'Sorry, Sarah.'

'Don't be sorry. I just wish there was something I could do.'

He reached out and took her hand. 'Being here. That helps.'

She gave him a small smile. 'I'm not going anywhere.' She yawned. 'Except back to bed. I'll be right in the next room if you need me.'

As she stood up and started to head out of the room, the Doctor sat up. 'Sarah, wait.' They exchanged a long look, neither one of them saying anything with mere words, but everything with their expressions.

Sarah silently walked back towards the bed and sat down. The Doctor folded his arms and lay back down. Sarah reached out and rested a hand on his arm. She sat there quietly and waited for him to go back to sleep. Once she was sure he was asleep, she lifted her hand and moved to leave.

Unlike the previous nights, the Doctor surprised her by reaching out for her hand, even though he seemed to not wake up. 'Sarah?' he mumbled.

'It's all right. I'm here.' Sarah yawned again and knew she wouldn't be able to sit up all night. She adjusted her robe, shifted position and lay down on her side, facing him, her hand still holding his. He moved her hand, placing it against the centre of his chest. Feeling the echoes of the double beat of his hearts against her hand, exhaustion overtook her and she quickly fell asleep.

Sometime in the night, the Doctor roused, but was comforted by the familiar feeling of Sarah's touch, even in something as simple as her hand against his chest. She calmed him, there was no way he could deny that now. Her mere presence seemed to chase away the demons of the war. He knew he would need to tell her at least some of what disturbed him. She was the only one he felt he could tell.

He covered her hand with his own and felt the unusual coolness of her skin. He turned his head and realised that she was lying on top of the covers. Trying to disturb her as little as possible, he manoeuvred her enough to pull the duvet out from underneath her and cover her. As she stirred, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and guiding her head to pillow against his chest. 'Shhh, Sarah, sleep.' Instinctively, she draped her arm across his chest and curled against him, quickly settling back into sleep. Having her beside him again brought a smile to his face. He stroked her hair gently before succumbing to the restful sleep that had seemed to elude him for so long.

~!~!~!~

As the dawn began to break with rays of sunshine streaming through the window, Sarah woke up. 'This is not the way I remember falling asleep,' she said sleepily, but with a smile.

He gave a slight shake of his head as he readjusted his arms around her. 'No, but this is preferable to the alternative.'

'Which is?'

'Being alone or dead. Either way, this is better.' He leaned down and kissed her forehead gently before resting his chin on the top of her head. 'All these years.' He sighed, 'Never imagined we could be here again like this. Thank you.'

She ran her hand absently along his chest. 'For what?'

'For still being my Sarah Jane.'

'Possessive much?' she asked with a smile.

'I've lost everything else. You're all I have left.'

She sobered instantly as she propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him, concern etching her features. 'What happened?' she asked softly.

'A war, Sarah.' He looked up into her eyes, her silent expression encouraging him to continue. 'The last great time war between the Time Lords and the Daleks.' He paused again, taking a slow, deep breath. 'We lost.'

The emotions echoed what Sarah had seen from him at Deffry Vale. Her earlier suspicions were now confirmed. This was his previous regeneration. The one he regenerated into because of the final battle of the war. She put her head down against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. 'I'm sorry,' she whispered, feeling his grief and guilt emanating from his entire being.

'It's my fault,' he said sadly. Sarah pulled back, looked into his eyes and waited for him to continue. 'I pulled the trigger Sarah, erased them from time. The Time Lords and the Daleks, lost forever.' He paused again as tears filled the corners of his eyes, but didn't fall. 'I killed them.' 

She touched his face, her own tears forming as even more pieces fell into place. 'I know you, Doctor. You're not a killer.' She took a deep breath. 'War requires us to do things, things we would never do under other circumstances. It doesn't change who we are inside.'

He shook his head slowly. 'I changed, Sarah.' They lay there in silence for a long time as the Doctor reached up and mirrored Sarah's movements, touching her cheek as she touched his. His Sarah Jane. Her skin felt so soft compared to his weathered features. The years had been much kinder to her than to him. 'And now, I'm here. With you.' He sniffed again, 'I should be dead. Who am I to walk away from all that?'

Her eyes conveyed her emotions. 'You're my Doctor. And you're right here, alive and with me, where you should be.'

~!~!~!~


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

The Doctor tossed and turned from his spot on the sofa in Sarah's attic. It had been a month since the TARDIS deposited him near her house. She'd been home with him most of that time, except for working on the occasional story during the day, but now she was away for a few days research. In reality it was an encounter with a species called the Tellians. After thinking about going with her, he decided to stay put, perhaps secretly hoping the TARDIS would let him in at some point. He'd filled his time by tinkering in her attic with the various bits of machinery. He'd even managed to stop his own small alien invasion, making it feel a bit like old times, just confined to Earth.

Although he missed running to the TARDIS any time he chose, the predictability of just existing day to day was still a novelty. Not like during his exile so many years ago. Especially different since he was with Sarah, which absently made him wonder what his exile would've been like if he'd known her then.

Today, he acutely felt her absence, more so than he would've thought. When she was nearby, even if she wasn't in the same room, the nightmares maintained at bay, but with her gone, they'd begun to rage again.

Unfortunately, the nightmares were not works of fiction made up by his tired brain, but instead flashes of memory. Sarah had only been gone three days, but in that time, he hadn't had anything remotely considered restful sleep. He sat up as one particular memory bothered him more than the others.

...

_Standing in the President's office, the Doctor looked out over the Mountains of Solace and Solitude. He absently ran a hand through his long brown curls, then across the sleeves of his velvet jacket. He smiled sadly at the silver glint that reflected back at him. 'Do you miss it at all?' the voice from behind him brought him quickly back to the present and his reasons for standing here. He turned around and looked at the President and sighed, but said nothing._

_She knew his sigh very well. 'We have a problem, Doctor.'_

_'You mean other than the massive amount of Dalek ships attacking us on all fronts?'_

_'Yes, besides that.' Romana sat down behind her desk. He couldn't help but note her formal posture. He waited for her to speak. 'Your imprint,' she finally said._

_'__What about it?' he finally said defensively, slowly approaching the desk._

_'She's human.'_

_'Now you're just pointing out the obvious. You've known that for centuries, way back to when we were travelling together.'_

_'Yes, well, I tried to ignore it back then.' Romana paused. 'The time has come that you need to be break it, Doctor. The imprint cannot exist.'_

_'No,' he shook his head._

_'Doctor,' she started, watching him pace around the room and look at everything but her._

_'No, I won't do that to her, or to me!' He slammed his fist against her desk and leaned over it, towering over Romana. 'We've managed to stay linked all this time, despite being separated and ridiculed by the Time Lords ever since they found out. I'm not going to break it now just because you said so.'_

_Romana folded her hands and rested them on the desk in front of her, keeping her formal composure. 'Doctor, sit down, please.'_

_The Doctor looked at the expression on Romana's face and saw only kindness reflected there. Not what he expected at all. She'd thumbed her nose down at him so many times over the years about this very topic. There was an almost sadness in her eyes that finally caused him to sit down. _

_Romana sighed. 'Doctor, I know you care for your human. It was perfectly obvious back then, and it still is now. I'm not asking you to break the imprint because she's human or because it's totally unacceptable to the High Council at this point, although both are valid reasons for breaking it.' She paused and took a deep breath. 'We could force a break, but that would be more painful than is necessary. For both of you.'_

_'Then why?' the Doctor asked._

_'The Daleks are tracking all the imprints and using them against us. Given your history, you're high on their list. Apparently they've discovered that you imprinted a human. We have enough problems without the Daleks deciding they need to bring another planet into the war just to get to you.'_

_'I find it difficult to believe that in the middle of a war that you're trying to spare Earth.' He crossed his arms, his statement obviously bitter._

_'I'm President of the High Council of the Time Lords! I'm trying to spare every planet and every star system in the Universe and across all of time!' she yelled, then stopped. 'I'm sorry.' She took a deep breath. 'Doctor, your services are desperately needed now. I cannot have you distracted or allow anything that could possibly be used as a weapon against you. The High Council has recommended that all Time Lords break their imprints for that very reason. You're the only one that has a cross-species imprint. I don't know what the ramifications would be for either you or her if you don't break it.'_

_The Doctor set his face in stone. 'I won't have her put in danger or allow the Daleks to use her.' His head dropped. 'Very well.' He took a long breath, feeling the emotions raging just beneath the surface. 'I'll do what has to be done on one condition.'_

_'We don't have time for conditions, Doctor.'_

_'I don't care. I do it in person. I have to know when it happens.'_

_Romana shook her head sadly, 'You can't. There isn't time, Doctor. If you survive the war, you're welcome to determine the timing and re-establish it or whatever you choose to do at that point, but you can't leave right now. You're needed here.'_

_'But I won't know where in her time stream the break occurs!'_

_'And neither will the Daleks, which makes it safer for you both. Be reasonable Doctor, you know this is what you have to do.'_

_He stood and without another word, left Romana's office, slamming the door as he exited. He could go to Earth, do what he had to do and be back before anyone noticed. It wasn't like him to abide by the rules before. But these were different times and different circumstances. This time, he realised that Romana was right. The best way to protect Sarah was to keep her isolated from the echoes that their bond would invariably cause. As he walked through the Capitol, he didn't acknowledge anyone and no one seemed to pay him any notice. He walked into his assigned quarters and closed the door, leaning back against it heavily. 'Oh, Sarah, I am so sorry,' he said as a tear escaped his eyes._

_...  
_

Sarah walked in the front door with a yawn. Her "research" for her story had not gone as well as she'd hoped and she'd spent the better part of the last 36 hours just trying to stay alive and then awake long enough to get home. What she wanted most was a long hot bath and sleep. 'Doctor?' she called out, but got no response.

Something unsettled her, so she went into the kitchen quickly and looked out the window and was surprisingly not reassured by the TARDIS still sitting quietly there. As she began heading upstairs, the uneasiness solidified itself in the pit of her stomach, and the closer she got to the attic, the worse it got.

Sarah started sprinting up the last few stairs, threw open the door and quickly scanned the attic, finally seeing the Doctor curled up in a ball in the corner. He was whimpering something and as she rushed over to his side, she could finally hear that it was her name over and over, coming in waves of sorrow.

She knelt down next to him. 'Doctor! Doctor, it's me, Sarah. I'm right here. Shhhh, it's all right.' She ran a hand soothingly along his back. 'Hey, Doctor, it's fine, nothing is going to happen. I'm here.' She felt his body stiffen at first touch, but then relax as she continued to talk softly.

He finally began to uncurl and look up at her. 'Sarah Jane?'

She reached out and took his face in her hands. 'I'm right here, Doctor.'

His arms flew around her, knocking her off balance, pulling her down to the floor towards him. She turned in his arms to not be in such an awkward position. As he held her, she closed her eyes and picked up enough of an echo to know which memory he was reliving.

She wrapped her arms around him and he buried his head in her shoulder. 'Oh Doctor, I'm sorry.'

His muffled voice said, 'You were gone, Sarah. I couldn't stop it. They made me break our imprint. I was alone.'

'It's all right, I'm here now. I won't leave you.'

He sobbed again. 'I can't do this alone.'

'You don't have to. I'm not going anywhere.' She continued to hold him tightly as she looked around the room. She called out to her supercomputer. 'Mr. Smith, I need you.'

With all appropriate fanfare, the Xylok slid out of the wall. 'Yes, Sarah Jane.'

'How long has he been like this?'

'I do not know, Sarah Jane. The Doctor put me into standby mode when you left.'

'All right, thank you Mr. Smith.'

'I apologise that I could not be of any further assistance.'

Sarah turned back to the Doctor. 'Come on, Doctor, let's get up off the floor, all right?' He nodded wordlessly, so they both stood up slowly, Sarah being very careful to keep her arms around him protectively. She guided him over to the nearby sofa and pulled him down to sit next to her.

She could see the pain in his eyes as he continued to watch her. Suddenly, he leaned over and wrapped both arms around her waist tightly, burying his head against her stomach, his breath coming in uneven desperate gasps. She instinctively began to rub one hand along his back as she wrapped her other arm around his shoulders, holding him tightly to her. She rested her cheek against the back of his shoulder as she began to rock him like she would a distraught child. A few minutes later, the Doctor shifted and put his head against her chest, his ear over her heart. 'Doctor?' she asked softly.

He said nothing, but as she continued to cradle him, she noticed his breathing begin to regulate and the tension ebb away from his body. Sarah lost track of time as she continued to silently hold him.

~!~!~!~

Sarah stood in front of Mr. Smith's view screen and massaged the crick in her neck as she looked up at Liz on the other end of their video connection.

'Good grief, Sarah Jane, you look exhausted.'

'I haven't slept in almost 48 hours. When I got home last night…' she dropped off and ran a hand over her eyes. 'Liz, he was curled up in the corner practically incoherent and…broken. It's the only word I know to use.'

'I'm so sorry, Sarah Jane.'

Sarah shrugged. 'It's not been an easy few weeks, Liz. He's got the worst case of post-traumatic stress that I've ever seen, and I've seen some rough things in my time.'

Liz nodded. 'I know what you mean. I've seen many of Alistair's men suffer after some of their entanglements.'

Sarah reached up and wiped her eyes, wiping away a tear that tried to form as she said, 'I don't know what else to do, I don't know what else I can do. This is not the Doctor as I ever knew him and I don't know how to help.'

'You are helping, Sarah Jane. You're providing a stable influence for him.'

'Since when has stability ever been anything we associated with the Doctor?' Sarah sighed. 'I expect him to come in any morning and announce that the TARDIS has decided to let him back in and that he's leaving.'

'How does that make you feel?' Liz asked, a knowing expression on her face.

'I don't know. Part of me knows it's inevitable. Travelling is who he is, it's what he does. It's just now I'm not so sure.'

'That wasn't what I asked, Sarah Jane. What about you?' Liz raised an eyebrow. 'Sarah Jane, you and I have known each other a long time. Be honest with me, and with yourself. Certainly there's a part of you that wants something more?'

'I can't even think about that right now.'

Liz frowned. 'Sarah Jane, when are you not thinking?'

'You know, it's odd, being around him this much now. All that time together, then Aberdeen, then nothing until Hong Kong, then nothing again till Deffry Vale. He's not the same as when we travelled together, but the way he is right now, when he's not an absolute wreck…' she paused, thinking about it for a moment. 'Well, I suppose I could get very used to him being here.' She looked up at the view screen, then paced around the room. 'I can't get used to it. It's not him, or at least not who he used to be. It won't last.'

'Says who? You said yourself he isn't the same.' Liz smiled. 'Who knows, Sarah Jane, this may be the one thing that finally settles the Doctor.'

Sarah laughed. 'That'll be the day.'

Liz shrugged, 'I don't know, you weren't even gone three days and he'd fallen apart by the time you got back. I don't think he's going anywhere anytime soon, even if the TARDIS does let him back in.'

'I guess only time will tell, right?'

'Sarah Jane, can I be honest with you?'

Sarah looked intently at the view screen. 'Of course.'

'You're a mess.'

'Thanks a lot, Liz,' Sarah replied sarcastically.

'No, wait, let me finish. You're emotionally involved. I can tell how much this is bothering you. You need to be careful and make sure you don't get pulled under the weight of his emotions.'

'What are you saying?'

'You're not a Time Lord, Sarah Jane. I know the emotional bond you have with him, and trust me, you need to make sure you don't get lost in all of that.'

Sarah began to pace around the attic. 'Be honest, Liz, am I crazy for all of this?'

'Sarah Jane, you and I are both independent women, but we've chosen to get involved with men who put themselves at risk. Sometimes we have to live with the consequences and they're ugly. You're strong, you're doing more than many others would. Just take care of yourself. And you can start by getting some sleep, you look like hell.'

Sarah laughed and gave her a mock salute. 'Yes ma'am!'

'Keep me up to date and let me know if you need anything, Sarah Jane.'

Sarah nodded. 'Thanks for listening, Liz. It means a lot to just have someone to talk to.'

'And right now, that's what the Doctor needs too. Good luck.'

As the video connection terminated, Sarah headed towards the attic door. Just then, the Doctor walked in carrying a mug of tea. The level of awkwardness between them was tangible. 'You can use a good strong cuppa after last night,' he said, handing it to her.

Sarah smiled, 'Yes, I was just thinking I desperately needed this. Or a nap, or both.'

He kissed her temple absently. 'I know.'

'How are you feeling this morning?'

He shrugged. 'Better.'

Sarah took a sip of her tea, then reached up and rested her free hand against his chest. 'Good, glad to hear it.' She dropped her hand, then walked over and sat down at her desk. She picked up her reading glasses and sat her mug down. The Doctor watched as she simply picked up a magazine and began to read.

He stood there watching her for a minute. When she yawned again, he took a deep breath and walked over to her. 'Sarah, you need to get some sleep.' He started to reach out and put his hands on her shoulders, but stopped short. He took a step back. 'What happened when you were away?'

She lowered her magazine and lifted her head, but didn't turn to look at him. 'It didn't go well. Somehow UNIT got wind that the Tellians were there. They came in all guns blazing as is their normal.' She took off her glasses and ran a hand over her eyes. 'It destroyed all the diplomatic progress I'd made. I barely got them away without being spotted. It required traipsing out across the moor at 3am, and hiding out there all night. Not exactly a comfortable time.'

'You were on the moor all night with the Tellians?' He watched the back of her head only nod in response. 'And then you came back here?' Again, another nod. 'I should've gone with you.'

This time she shook her head slowly. 'You said it wasn't your negotiation. You had no idea what was going to happen.'

He opened his mouth to argue, but stopped. He could see her exhaustion from the sag in her shoulders. He stepped back closer to her and this time he did put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in close to her ear. He reached around with one hand and took the magazine away from her, sitting it down on the desk. 'Don't even think of looking at this now. Get up, go downstairs, take a long hot bath or something to relax and then go to bed.' She turned just enough to glance up at him but said nothing. 'I'm serious, Sarah Jane. You can't keep going at this pace.'

'What about you?' she asked softly after a moment.

He gave her a big smile. 'I'm fine. Perfect in every way.'

She laughed. 'Tell that to someone who doesn't know you as well as I do.' She took his hand as he reached out to help her stand up. 'I am glad you're feeling better.'

He led her to the attic door. 'Now, go, rest.'

'If you need me…' she started.

He cut her off by wrapping her in a large bear hug. 'I always need you,' he whispered in her ear.

~!~!~!~


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

The Doctor leaned against the doorway of Sarah's bedroom, arms crossed, just watching as she slept. Part of him ached for the closeness they once shared. He knew at some point in his future she'd chosen him yet again, and while that did his hearts a world of good, he was almost jealous of himself.

He smiled as he felt the slightest echo of her dream against his mind, memories of a time long past when their imprint held them strongly together.

..

_Sarah walked down the TARDIS corridors and saw the trail of a scarf going around the corner ahead of her. As she turned the corner, she saw the Doctor pacing back and forth. He glanced up at her, but said nothing as he continued to pace._

_She watched silently for a long time, before finally taking a deep breath. 'What's wrong, Doctor?' she asked softly._

_The Doctor walked up to her and turned her shoulders to point in the direction opposite him, but said nothing. Even though he gave her a gentle shove, she whirled back around to face him._

_'Don't think you can get rid of me that easily. Obviously, the TARDIS let me know where you were.'_

_He looked intently at her, his eyes boring into her. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft, yet firm. 'You shouldn't be here, Sarah.'_

_'I've heard that before, but never in regards to the TARDIS or to you. Obviously this is partly about your encounter with Sutekh. You've not been yourself since we left the priory, but really if I had to be honest, you've been out of sorts since right before all this started.'_

_'I'm a Time Lord, Sarah.' He stepped away from her, walking to the far side of the corridor._

_She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. 'Don't start with that again, please.' _

_He looked around staring at the walls, then glanced back to her. 'When you stand on Earth, you feel safe, secure, yes?' He waited for a response from her, but she just returned his gaze, waiting. 'When I stand there, I feel it spin. The entire world turning, spinning beneath our feet, your planet hurtling around its sun, and all of it, falling through space. That's who I am Sarah.'_

_Sarah walked over and reached out to touch him as she came around to stand facing him. 'I know that, Doctor. I've always known.' She tapped her temple lightly. 'Especially now.'_

_He rested his hands on her shoulders, giving her a gentle smile. 'I suppose you do, don't you?'_

_She placed her hand against his chest, in between his hearts. 'I won't ever sense it like you do, but there is a difference, an expansion of knowledge and perception if you will.'_

_He gave her a toothy smile. 'You're quite an extraordinary human.'_

_She returned his smile, but never removed her hand from his chest. 'Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong?' She closed her eyes briefly, pulling on their connection. 'You were scared. Sutekh scared you.'_

_The Doctor moved his hands from Sarah's shoulders up to her neck and began to caress her face with the pads of his thumbs. She looked up at him, but neither of them said anything. He moved his hands up into the back of her hair and began to gently massage her scalp. She closed her eyes and relaxed into his touch. _

_She conjured up enough coherent thought to speak, but still didn't open her eyes as he continued to wind his fingers through her hair and along the sensitive skin on the back of her neck. 'You didn't answer my question.'_

_He stepped closer to her and wrapped one arm around her waist. He leaned in and spoke softly in her ear. 'You know what's going through my mind right now?' He pulled back just enough to watch the blush creep up her cheeks. With a smile, he leaned back close to her ear. 'Do you want to put that into mere human words?'_

_She opened her eyes and looked up into his. 'You're trying to distract me,' she rationalised, her voice very soft._

_'Is it working?' he whispered._

_She smiled. 'Oh yes.' The Doctor smiled and wrapped both arms around her, burying his head in Sarah's shoulder._

..

Sarah stirred as she felt a pair of eyes watching her. 'How long have you been standing there?' she asked sleepily.

'Long enough.' He gave her a small smile, 'I could sense some of what you were dreaming.'

She sat up at that. 'How's that work if the imprint hasn't been re-established for you yet?'

'Let's just say I'm sensitive to it, even if it's not as strong as it would be.' He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. 'I actually wanted to talk to you about that.' He took a deep breath, and she couldn't help but notice his serious expression. 'I want to know what it was like for you. When the imprint broke, I mean.'

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. 'I'm not the one with the nightmares.'

'I feel the echoes at the edges of your subconscious. As much as you've been trying, you can't block those from me. Rather than have me imagine the worst, I'd rather just hear it from you.' He watched the expression on her face and could feel the pain buried just underneath the surface.

She put her head down on her arms, unable to look him in the eyes. 'I'm not sure that's such a good idea,' she mumbled.

'Sarah, please,' he asked softly.

She just shook her head as he reached out and put a hand on her arm. She looked up at him, but said nothing.

He took his finger and pushed her nightgown away from her left shoulder, exposing the scar just above her heart. 'How many times have you been shot?' he asked and watched as guilt visibly washed over her expression in waves. He took her chin in one hand, guiding her head so their gazes locked. He continued to firmly hold her chin. Instantly, her look changed from guilt to defiance. He'd seen that from her several times before. 'I could make you tell me, you know.'

She grabbed him by the wrist and moved his hand away from her jaw. 'You wouldn't dare,' her voice was almost a hiss as she readjusted her gown to cover the scar.

'No?' he said harshly. He looked into her eyes and relented, hanging his head. 'No, I wouldn't,' he admitted just above a whisper.

She leaned back against the headboard and crossed her arms. 'Telling you doesn't accomplish anything, Doctor.'

He moved to mirror her posture, sitting back against the headboard, arms crossed. Neither of them looked at each other, instead just staring straight ahead. 'Actually, it does. Although it's extremely rare for it to happen, if Time Lords break an imprint, both individuals know and are able to agree on it. We didn't have that luxury. Our imprint was essentially stolen from us.'

Sarah took a deep breath. 'It was painful, very painful. Do you really need to know more than that?' She glanced over to see him looking at her. His eyes told her all she needed to know. 'Fine,' she said softly. Sarah took a deep breath. 'I was in Hong Kong,' she started slowly. 'I'd sent Tom Ryder on his way and was getting ready for bed, when I started having severe pain in my chest, but I ignored it at the time.'

She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. 'At some point in the night, I woke up, and the pain was still there, except this time, I just knew you were gone. It was so intense both physically and emotionally, it felt like someone had cut out my heart.'

His hearts broke again as he saw the tears in her eyes. His own memories betrayed what came next. He knew what he'd done to her, but had he known the imprint would have been broken at the same time, it would have caused him to rethink his actions that day.

'That morning, I got up and was greeted by my face in the newspapers. My cover had been completely blown. By you.' The tears flowed freely down her cheeks. 'I couldn't figure out what I'd done that would've caused you to turn on me like that.'

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him. 'You have to know that it wasn't you, I never turned on you. I only did what had to be done. I was trying to protect you.'

'You explained that to me, and I know it now, but at the time I couldn't process it.' She took yet another deep breath. 'Later on, when I saw you, I tried to make sense of what happened, but I couldn't. Then Tom tried to use me to stop you from doing what needed to be done, I knew what I had to do. When I grabbed the gun and pulled the trigger, a part of me was all right with the thought of my own death. I knew it would at least finally ease the pain.'

He turned and wrapped his other arm around her. 'I am so stupid. I never should've sent for you in the first place, but that version of me still felt our imprint and thought once I was able to speak with you, I could make it all right.' He sighed. 'I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw you, but I figured it was just because of my actions that day. I didn't have time to find out further. I never expected you to do go as far as you did.'

She allowed her head to finally rest against his chest. 'You did what you had to do, and so did I. It was painful, yes, but I understand, I really do. You can't blame yourself anymore.'

'If I were here right now, I'd tell myself off for being an idiot.'

Sarah glanced up at him, a small smile just beginning to form. 'I must confess, that wasn't my most favourite version of you.' She tucked her head back under his chin as they sat there quietly for several moments.

He kissed the top of her head. 'I'm going to ask you a question, but I don't know if you can answer it.' He waited a moment. 'When we re-established the imprint, was it already in place for me?'

This time when she looked up at him, her smile made it to her eyes. 'You told me at the time that I wasn't allowed to ask questions, but that my timeline needed to play itself out.'

'I'll take that as a yes.' He looked at her, hopefulness in his eyes. 'I want to have that connection with you again, Sarah, as I am now. Would you, I mean, could we...'

She turned, reaching up and cupping his cheek with her hand, her thumb resting across his lips to silence him. 'You don't even need to ask,' she whispered. She then reached up and placed her index fingers against his temples. He mirrored her and in unison, their eyes closed as they allowed the imprint to flow between them, reconnecting and re-solidifying.

'There you are,' she said softly as she tuned into her side of their bond and began to feel him mentally reaching out for her. It would take time for it to re-establish on his side, much like it had for her after Deffry Vale, and as it was for both of them the first time. Her mind briefly went to the other version of him that had re-established the bond for her. She moved her head slightly as she mentally locked it tightly away.

She couldn't stop from remembering her conversation with Liz. He would leave her, he had before and he would again. Something would happen and he would change again, and she wouldn't be there when it happened. Someone else would. Her hands dropped from his temples.

Feeling the absence of her touch both mentally and physically, the Doctor opened his eyes and watched Sarah's expression. It was obvious she was struggling with something. Only at the edges of his mind through their reconnected imprint could he begin to sense what it might be. He took his hands away from her temples, instead reaching out to hold both her hands. He rubbed gentle strokes back and forth along the back of her hands with his thumbs. 'Do you trust me?' he finally asked.

She opened her eyes narrow to study his. With a smile, she slowly nodded.

He leaned in and kissed her, their kiss quickly deepening as his hands moved down around her waist and he guided her to a recumbent position. As they continued to kiss passionately, he felt the energy of their imprint overtake him in ways he hadn't felt in a very long time. He held her close, his hands caressing every part of her body, the intensity and proximity of the moment washing over them both.

She held him tightly as they continued to connect in ways they hadn't in many years. Their eyes locked as they communicated through touch, expressions and the solidification of their bond.

Some time later, he shifted to his side, pulling Sarah to him. She looked up at him through heavy eyelids and smiled as he kissed her forehead. He finally relaxed in her embrace, a lazy smile drifting across his features.

~!~!~!~


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

'My Sarah Jane.'

Sarah woke up at the sound of her name being called. Not by just anyone, or just by the Doctor, but it was a voice she hadn't heard in a long time, the version of him that she travelled with for so long. She sat up and looked around the room, but wasn't surprised to find herself alone.

She slid out of bed and pulled on her robe and headed upstairs into the attic. She wasn't surprised to find him standing in front of the workbench, building something. As he heard her enter, he turned around and smiled. 'Morning.'

She returned his smile, but had to admit that the voice certainly didn't match the one that woke her from sleep.

As if he heard her thoughts, he thought for a moment. 'I guess this body does sound like it's from the north.'

'Lots of planets have a north,' she quipped.

He ignored her statement. 'Didn't expect you to be up yet,' he admitted.

'It's 3am, I'm always up at 3am,' she said sarcastically. He frowned at her, but she simply shrugged and walked over to stand next to him. She pointed at the hodgepodge in front of him. 'What's that you're working on?'

'It's been over a month since I arrived here.' He looked down at the device in his hand. 'With Gallifrey gone, I have to find a power source for the TARDIS. Provided she ever lets me back in. I'll use this to find it.' He sat the device down and turned to her, a serious expression on her face. 'I know what woke you up.'

She looked down as she felt a blush creep up her cheeks. 'Is that so?'

'I may have been projecting a bit strongly.' He quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. 'Remembering. About us. Back then. I was nervous.'

She let her arms wrap around him as she rested her head against his chest. 'You didn't seem nervous at the time.'

'You relax me, Sarah Jane.'

Without even seeing his face, Sarah could tell from his tone of voice that he was smiling. She closed her eyes as she felt the energy flow through her as they both began to share the memory.

..

_Sarah took a deep breath and dove under the water of the TARDIS pool. She opened her eyes and looked through the crystal clear water. Being under water allowed her to think and to be. She wasn't running for her life, she wasn't going to be eaten by something lingering under the surface, she could just relax._

_As she came up for air and stretched her muscles under the water, she noticed the Doctor reclining casually on one of the lounge chairs. He'd discarded his scarf, hat and coat in favour of just the tweed trousers and a button down shirt. 'I see you found the pool,' he said with a smile._

_She swam towards the side of the pool closest to him and pulled herself up enough to cross her arms over the side. 'I figured since you never take me to the beach, I might as well still get in a swim.'_

_He tilted his head to one side as he looked at her. 'How'd you find it?'_

_'The TARDIS showed me. She's really good about that if I ask her nicely.' Sarah smiled. 'So, how are your repairs going? Did you get the Gulak oscillator fixed?'_

_He sat straight up sharply, then leaned in towards her. 'How did you know?' He threw his hand up before she had a chance to respond. 'No, don't tell me. The TARDIS.' His eyes narrowed. 'What did you do to her?'_

_'I didn't do anything,' she said defiantly. 'She volunteered the information, I wasn't exactly going to turn down the conversation once she started talking.' She smiled, a wicked gleam in her eye. 'And oh the stories she told me,' she laughed._

_The Doctor threw himself back into the chair and crossed his arms. 'That's absolute rubbish. She wouldn't just start talking to a human without good reason.'_

_'Well, excuse me for being human!' Sarah reached down and playfully splashed out a handful of water in his direction. At his glare, she just stuck her tongue out at him, shrugged and turned and dove back into the water, intent on finishing her swim._

_He watched her for a moment, but said nothing. As she came up for air, then went back under the water again, without giving him so much as a glance, he stood up. 'I'll fix you, Miss,' he said as he stalked off._

_Sarah looked around as she came up for air yet again and shrugged absently when she realised the Doctor was nowhere to be seen. She began to float lazily on her back, just barely moving her arms to stay afloat. With her ears underwater and her eyes closed, she didn't see or hear the Doctor as he came back in, wearing only a black pair of swim trunks. _

_Smiling, the Doctor calculated his approach and promptly jumped in, cannonball style, causing a massive wave of water to wash over Sarah. With a jolt, she stood up, wiping the water from her face and looking around. She could see the Doctor's form swimming around her under the water, so she waited until he came up in front of her for air and instantly smacked him on the arm._

_'What?' he said innocently. 'Turn about is fair play.'_

_She splashed him again with a smile. It quickly turned into a full out water fight, with each of them completely dousing the other, laughing the entire time. Sarah ducked under the deluge and swam into a deeper part of the pool before coming up and treading water._

_The Doctor turned around and watched her. 'Too much for you?' he asked, a playful smile crossing his face as he pushed the hair away from his eyes._

_'Not in the slightest,' she said, catching her breath. 'But without the benefit of a respiratory bypass system, I needed air.'_

_After taking a quick second to catch his own breath, he swam over to her, the height difference then allowing him to continue to stand, even if the water level was up to his chin. 'Of course, anything else and I'd think you had gills.'_

_She smiled, 'Nope, no gills here.'_

_They faced each other, not speaking as he stood still and she continued to tread water just in front of him. Looking into Sarah's eyes, the Doctor reached up and pushed away a section of hair that had fallen across her face and allowed his hand to rest against her cheek._

_She turned into his touch, closing her eyes and relishing this unusual moment of closeness. With her eyes closed, she didn't anticipate his free arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her towards him. She inhaled sharply as she opened her eyes and saw her own intense look reflected back in his eyes. 'Sarah,' he said at just barely above a whisper, his tone a caress in and of itself._

_As he ghosted his fingers along her cheek, she looked at him, her expression asking more than she could with words. At his easy smile, Sarah quickly relaxed and closed her eyes again as her breath increased at the intimacy of his touch. Wordlessly responding to him, she wrapped one arm across the top of his shoulder and around his neck. He leaned in, resting his head in the crook of her neck._

_Sarah opened her eyes, a question beginning to form on her lips. It quickly disappeared as he began to kiss the tender skin just beneath her ear. Her eyes closed again as she tilted her head slightly to allow him better access as she reached up, tangling her fingers in his hair. Part of her wanted to talk to him to try to make sense of the situation, but the larger part just wanted to enjoy the feel of his caress. Unfortunately, logic kicked in and she pulled back, even though her fingers continued to trace small circles on the back of his neck. 'Doctor?'_

_He trailed tiny kisses along her shoulder and neck before pulling back and looking at her, the blue of his eyes almost completely hidden by black. The intensity of his gaze never wavered as he finally spoke. 'Do you trust me?'_

_'Always,' she responded instantly with a smile._

_He reached up and caressed her cheek with one hand as the arm still around her waist lifted her up just above his eye line before he leaned in and kissed her. She hesitated for only a split second before allowing the intimacy of the moment guide her response._

_When she finally had to break the kiss for sheer lack of air, he wrapped both arms around her and just held her close to him, not saying anything. She rested her head against one of his shoulders, enjoying the closeness between them as she wrapped one arm around his back and allowed the other to absently trace circles along his opposite shoulder._

_..  
_

Back in the attic, without explanation, the shared memory stopped as Sarah's legs gave out from underneath her. Fortunately, the Doctor was still holding her and easily caught her, holding her tightly to him. 'What happened?' she asked breathlessly.

He guided her towards the small sofa, sitting down and settling her into his lap. 'Sorry, Sarah, that was probably me.'

Sarah took a deep breath as she let her head fall back to rest on his shoulder. 'It's like every ounce of strength I had was pulled out of me in that one moment.'

The Doctor reached up and smoothed her hair soothingly. 'It's the imprint.'

Without lifting her head, she turned slightly to look at him. 'Why? It's never done that before.'

He reached up and ran the back of his fingers along her face. 'You were already exhausted. Besides, we're not the same as before.' He looked over and watched Sarah's eyelids get heavier. She tried to fight it, but he went back to stroking her hair. 'Shh, Sarah, sleep.' He watched as sleep overtook her, and only at that point did he release the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

He carefully stood up and adjusted Sarah in his arms, holding her close to him as he made his way downstairs towards her bedroom. He placed her gently in the bed and after pondering for only the briefest of moments, he crossed around to the other side of the bed, lying down beside her.

Sarah roused almost instantly and turned towards him, reaching up to caress his face. 'You couldn't have done anything differently.'

'You should rest, your body is adjusting.'

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. 'I know what happened.'

'The imprint synchronised my memories in your subconscious.'

She nodded slightly. 'I know.'

'Humans can't withstand the force of that much information flooding in at once.'

She smiled a slow easy smile as the exhaustion threatened to take over. 'Good thing I'm not your typical human.'

He smiled as she tried, but failed to suppress a yawn. She curled up against him and draped her arm across his chest. 'No, definitely not typical,' he said as he kissed the top of her head. 'That's why you're my Sarah.'

What Sarah neglected to tell him was that although their imprint allowed his memories of the Time War to flood into her subconscious, she'd already seen some of them before, so her adjustment period was less. It still had an effect on her body, due to the sheer force of his emotions and the freshness of the memories. It wasn't long before the comfort of having him cradle her body close to his allowed her to drift off into a contented sleep.

The sight of having Sarah asleep in his arms brought so many good memories to the surface for the Doctor. Their time together had never been dull. Even though they constantly bounced from adventure to adventure, he had long missed the days when after a harrowing and invariably always near death experience they'd run back to the TARDIS to recoup. He never needed as much sleep as she did, so he always relished the times where he got to simply hold her and watch her sleep.

If he allowed himself to admit it, the whole concept of her soothed him. While Sarah was always fantastic in a crisis, it was the peaceful moments like this, those quiet times where her life seemed so much more to him. He cared for his companions both before and after her, but she was different from all of them. Even from the very beginning, he'd known that his relationship with her would change him. He just never realised how much.

He thought about her reaction when he first asked her about the imprint. Their relationship was too important, and he never wanted to do anything to harm it. He knew that her reaction and ultimate response would either cement their relationship, or possibly destroy it. He pondered a long time before finally deciding that the possibility of her acceptance was worth the risk.

..

_The Doctor loosened the scarf from around his neck, but didn't remove it as he sat in the chair opposite Sarah and finally spoke. 'There's something I've been meaning to discuss with you, Sarah.' She put down the book she'd been reading and lifted her head to look at him, waiting for him to continue. 'On Gallifrey, Time Lords elect to do what's called an imprint. Essentially it bonds two Time Lords together by overlaying past memories together literally imprinting one set of memories against the other. It also allows them to share memories going forward, even if they're not in the same location.'_

_He couldn't quite read the look on her face. It was almost a frown that she quickly controlled back into a neutral expression. 'So, you're saying everything we've done, you've shared with someone back on Gallifrey?' He recognised the tone as slight disgust and realised what she was thinking._

_He shook his head quickly. 'No, no, of course not. I've never met anyone worthy of the imprint, although for most Time Lords it's normally done towards the end of their first incarnation.'_

_A relieved look settled on her face as she tilted her head slightly and smiled. 'First incarnation? You're running late.' At his glare, she wiped the smile from her face. 'Sorry. I know you're being serious. Go on.'_

_'I haven't exactly chosen to regenerate, Sarah, but that's beside the point. I've never been tied to Time Lord tradition, but I always hoped at some point that I would find someone suitable to share the imprint with.'_

_'You've always said that very few Time Lords left Gallifrey, so does that mean you'll have to go back?'_

_He sighed and bowed his head. 'No, you silly girl, I'm trying to ask you.'_

_'Oh.' Sarah paused before the words settled into her brain and she realised what he was asking. 'Me?' she questioned, just above a whisper, her voice tinged with something approaching awe. 'But I'm just a human.'_

_'You are no mere human, Sarah Jane Smith.' He took a deep breath. 'You're an extraordinary human.' He looked up and saw the shocked expression on her face. 'And that was not the way I ever thought I would ask.' He reached out and took her hands in his. 'Our friendship means a lot to me, Sarah. You're my best friend. The last thing I want to do is harm it, so I don't know if this would even be something you would entertain.'_

_She looked down at their joined hands. 'This means a lot to you, this imprint?' _

_He spoke softly, causing her to look up at him as he spoke. 'It's something a Time Lord does only once in all of their lives. It's a bond that makes it easier for Time Lords to stay together after regenerations, given all the personality and physical changes that occur.'_

_Their eyes locked as she weighed her next statement before speaking. 'But I'm not a Time Lord, I won't live as long as you or regenerate. How is that fair to you?'_

_He closed the distance between them by kneeling on the floor in front of her, putting them at the same eye level. He reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, then allowed his hand to come to rest on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. 'You're my choice, Sarah. I don't care what species you are.'_

_Sarah took a deep breath. 'I think I need to know more.' She paused as a smile crossed her features and she reached out and cupped his cheek with her hand. 'However, I imagine that no matter what you tell me, I'll agree.'_

_Before she could say anything else, the Doctor pulled her to him in a huge hug, holding her tightly._

_..  
_

The Doctor looked down at the sleeping Sarah still nestled in his embrace. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head lightly, then rested his head against hers. 'Still my choice, my Sarah,' he whispered.

~!~!~!~


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

The Doctor stood in front of Sarah's workbench in the attic. He closed his eyes because he couldn't concentrate on the device he was trying to construct. From across the room, Sarah looked up from her desktop computer as she sensed his frustration. She turned around and looked at him, watching his expressions as he looked at the equipment.

'What are you working on?' she finally asked.

'Nothing.' He frowned as the piece of equipment literally fell apart in his hands. 'Well, really nothing now.' He threw the remnants onto the table as he sighed.

Sarah could sense more than just simple frustration coming from him. She stood up and walked over to stand beside him. 'Doctor?' she asked as she put a hand on his arm.

The Doctor sighed, hanging his head. 'Gallifrey's gone, Sarah.' He turned to look at her, then looked down at the floor again. 'I hated their rules and restrictions, but at least I knew they were there.'

She moved her hand to his shoulder and gently turned him towards her. She looked into his eyes and saw nothing but grief. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her. She felt his memories float to the surface, but unlike a standard memory that they both shared, this was as if he was taking her on a tour.

..

_They stood on the hillside looking across towards the mountains of Solace and Solitude. He looked down at their joined hands, then looked up and saw her smile. 'It's beautiful,' she admitted._

_'I used to play on these hills as a young boy. My mentor would bring me up here to concentrate on the games that they taught us.'_

_'Mental games?' she asked._

_He nodded, then looked up at the star filled sky. He pointed at one of the nearby constellations, 'See that? Karn is in that star cluster.'_

_She leaned into his shoulder, 'You said it was near here.'_

_He sat down in the grass and tugged on her hand until she was sitting beside him. He leaned back, folding his hands behind his head. 'They constantly involved themselves in my life, especially after my exile and during the time I was with you. I hated them for that.'_

_'You were never shy about your feelings towards them.'_

_'Their self-righteous non-interference finally caught up with them in the end, but I never expected it to happen this way. I always thought that if I wanted to come back, it would be here, and I could do it on my own terms.' He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'I used to come here all the time when I needed to focus.' He looked over at her. 'After they forced me to leave you, I hoped to find some clarity and peace out here.'_

_She lay back in the grass beside him, folding her hands across her stomach. She turned to look at him before looking back up at the sky. 'Did it help?' she asked softly._

_He shook his head. 'No.' He took a deep breath. 'I tuned into our imprint, trying to draw some comfort from it, but other than knowing it was there, the distance was too much for us to have any sort of communication or sharing.'_

_She rolled over onto her side and propped herself up on one elbow, putting her other hand against his chest. 'I'm sorry.'_

_He took one hand from behind his head and covered her hand. 'Don't be sorry, it was want they wanted. They called me back because they wanted us separated. I really hated them for that. I was ridiculed because I failed to find someone to share the imprint with, and then when I did, it wasn't good enough for them.' His gaze locked with Sarah's. 'I'm sorry I never got to bring you here properly.' _

_He took a deep breath before continuing. 'Before you, I had other companions that came here and the Time Lords wiped their memory. I couldn't risk that happening with you.' He reached up and cupped her cheek with his hand. 'You were too important to me. Still are. The thought of not being connected to you...' he trailed off._

_Sarah put her head down on his shoulder. 'Not something you have to worry about now. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.'_

_.._

Back in Sarah's attic, she wrapped her arms around the Doctor's waist and rested her head against his chest. 'I mean it Doctor, I'm not going anywhere.'

He held her to him. 'Thank you, Sarah. Just being here, with you, well, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle this without you. I'm sorry I'm such a pain.

She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. 'You've been through a lot, Doctor. I'm just glad you're actually talking to me about it.' She pulled back and gave him a sly smile. 'Before, you just would've gotten all moody and stalked around.'

'I would not!' He defended, then met her gaze. 'Well, maybe a little. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I'm not him anymore.'

'You're you. That's all I've ever asked.'

He finally smiled as he leaned in and kissed her forehead, tightening his arms around her.

~!~!~!~

The Doctor crossed Sarah's yard towards the TARDIS, key in hand. He'd been keeping essentially what he considered "human standard" hours, eating and even sleeping more than he would have under other circumstances. If things had been normal, he would have been pulling energy from the TARDIS, but without it, his energy had to be derived like any other being, through nourishment and sleep.

The biggest part of him looked forward to going back to the TARDIS and the comfort of the familiar touch ever present against his mind. He glanced back towards the house and up to the attic where he knew Sarah currently was. A tinge of regret went through him. While the slow path wasn't his preferred method of existence, he had to admit he enjoyed the time he'd been able to spend with Sarah.

While the events of the war still bothered him, and he knew they always would, Sarah's presence and her acceptance made it easier to keep going, against what he would've expected. During the war, he'd made peace with knowing that he wouldn't survive the final battle. He never expected to wake up alive, much less wake up alive to find Sarah taking care of him, especially given that he was forced to break her heart when he broke their imprint.

He reached out to put the key in the TARDIS door and instantly yanked his hand back as an electrical current jumped across his hand. Steeling himself, he rattled the door, but it still didn't open. With a frown, he went to kick the door, but stopped just short. 'Fine,' he said with a sigh. 'Have it your way.'

~!~!~!~

Sarah frowned as she watched Mr. Smith's display. 'How long before they arrive?' she asked.

'Approximately two and half hours, Sarah Jane,' the Xylok responded.

Sarah rubbed the back of her neck absently, her mind running through the information Mr. Smith had given her. 'Send them a message that I will be at the rendezvous point as requested.'

She jumped and whirled around as the attic door slammed behind her. 'TARDIS still won't let me in,' the Doctor muttered. 'How long could her repairs possibly take? It's been almost three months. I could've visited half the universe by now, and she's still not done.'

She took one step towards him, but then stopped as she thought better of it. 'You can't force her, Doctor. She'll let you in when she's good and ready. She must have a reason.'

'Which brings up a really good point. We landed in an alley, how did the TARDIS get into your back garden?'

Sarah gave him a small smile. 'She allowed me to pilot her here. I needed her to be in a safe place, but she knew she needed that too.'

He sighed, but didn't say anything else. 'I don't like this living day to day in a straight line, Sarah Jane. It's boring.' He walked across to the sofa and flopped down. 'How do you humans stand it?'

'Not as if we have much of a choice,' she said under her breath. She looked over at him and tried to reassure him. 'I'll talk to the TARDIS later, see if she'll tell me anything.'

He rolled his eyes. 'You females, always sticking together.'

Sarah laughed at his response before sobering again. 'Meanwhile, I have something important that's come up.'

'Is that so? Anything interesting?'

'Vraxians.'

At that, he stood up and came to stand beside her. 'Never good news. Where, when?'

'Just outside of town in a couple of hours. According to what Mr. Smith was able to determine, they want to essentially scrape the entire Earth's crust to a depth of fifty metres so that they can analyse the mineral content in the hope of brokering an agreement to purchase the planet on behalf of their mining corporation.'

'That's ridiculous.'

Sarah nodded, 'Yes, well, you know how Vraxians are.'

'How'd they get in contact with you?' the Doctor asked.

'Actually, that may have been my doing, Doctor.' Mr. Smith offered. 'I was scanning through the standard subspace signals and managed to eavesdrop on one of their communications. Based on Sarah Jane's instructions, I contacted them as an Earth delegation representative.'

He turned to her, 'I'm going with you.'

'You don't need to. Besides, they requested that I come alone, and I can handle...'

He cut her off. 'You and I both know what the Vraxians are like. I won't let them see me, but I don't trust them and I don't want you out there by yourself.'

She looked down as she felt him reach out and entwine his fingers through hers. She looked up at him and smiled. 'Thank you.'

~!~!~!~

Sarah put her hands on her hips and looked around as the Vraxian vanished in front of her. She took a deep breath and wondered slightly whether the whole confrontation had ended too quickly. Perhaps too easily as well. It wasn't like the Vraxians to agree to move on without argument.

There was no time for her to react as the sound of a blaster firing from behind her echoed in her ears.

Sarah felt the powerful sting against her back and shoulder even as the force of the blaster's discharge knocked her towards the ground. Despite being able to think and reason clearly, her body froze, completely unable to move. She couldn't even bring her hands up to protect her face, to say nothing of stopping the fall.

She hit the ground hard, knocking the wind out of her. She struggled to force air into her lungs, and absently noted that several of the small rocks that embedded themselves into her cheek were quite sharp. The lack of oxygen finally got to her aching lungs. The last thing she saw as her eyes closed was a pair of boots running towards her at full speed.

~!~!~!~


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

He ran as fast as he could, the sound of his wildly beating hearts echoed loudly in his ears, blocking out everything else. The entire universe seemed to stop and then continue in slow motion as he could only watch as Sarah collapsed to the ground and the Vraxian again disappeared. Now his sole focus was getting to Sarah as fast as possible.

He crashed to his knees beside her, reaching out and wrapping an arm around her shoulders to gently roll her onto her back and bring her to rest against his legs. Her entire body was limp in his arms, so he gently turned her head so she was facing him. 'Sarah?' he called out to her, panic rising in his throat. 'Sarah Jane?'

She opened her eyes, but otherwise didn't respond. 'Sarah, can you hear me?' he asked, eyes frantically searching her face for some sort of response. 'Blink once for no, twice for yes.' He watched as she blinked twice, very slowly.

'Sarah, can you move at all? Please try.'

He waited for the response. Finally, one blink.

'Are you in pain?' he asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Two slow blinks, and his hearts broke. Her eyes closed again and a part of him could feel her slipping away from him. Steeling his hearts, he quickly but gently scooped her up, heading towards her car, intent on making sure she received proper medical attention. 'Don't worry, Sarah, you'll be fine,' he said to her unconscious form, using his most reassuring tone, unsure whether it was more for her benefit or his own.

~!~!~!~

The Doctor sat by Sarah's hospital bed and tried not to look at all the equipment surrounding her. A small oxygen tube sat just under her nose with the tubing hooked around her ears and resting against her neck, and several small bandages covered the flesh wounds along her face. He listened to the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, assuring him that Sarah was still hanging on. Every part of him wished he could take away her pain as easily as he could alleviate her headaches when they were travelling together.

..

_The Doctor wandered through the hallways of the TARDIS, scarf trailing along by his feet as always. He looked down and caught himself as he tripped over its fringe. Absently, he thought about Sarah always giving him a hard time about its excessive length, saying it would be the death of her if she ever tripped over it. He could take it off, but that would be like baring a part of his soul he wasn't ready to expose to the Universe._

_He had an annoying headache that was really beginning to grate on his nerves. He wasn't used to the dull pain coursing through him, making him feel as if his actual brain was on fire. He stopped walking long enough to rub his temples to see if that would ease things any. As he did, he realised where the pain was actually coming from. 'There's an unexpected nasty side effect,' he muttered._

_Turning on his heel, he walked back in the opposite direction towards Sarah's room. Not bothering to knock, he opened the door and saw her curled up in bed, her back to him, facing the opposite wall. His headache strengthened as he entered the room, validating his earlier thoughts about the source of his pain._

_He quickly shed his coat, scarf and shoes and crawled into bed behind Sarah, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her towards him. She stirred, but said nothing as he rearranged his arms to put one underneath her head. With his other hand, he reached up and began to gently massage her forehead. He closed his eyes and began to concentrate. 'It's the imprint,' he whispered in her ear. 'It's causing your headache. All the wear and tear on the dendrites from those memories flooding and dancing about in your subconscious.'_

_She nodded ever so slightly, but said nothing. He could feel as she drifted off into a more sound sleep. He felt not only his pain easing, but hers as well. Satisfied that she was more comfortable, he relaxed and allowed himself to sleep, an easy smile on his face._

_..  
_

He held her hand in one of his and with his other hand he gently caressed her face and hair, being careful not to disturb the bandages. 'You can't leave me Sarah, not like this. I just got you back and you're all I have left. You told me you wouldn't leave, I'm holding you to that.'

Just then, the door opened. The Doctor looked up and saw Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart enter the room. 'Well, Doctor, I guess I shouldn't be surprised,' the old soldier noted.

The Doctor glanced up at the Brigadier, but didn't move from his spot next to Sarah. 'How'd you know it was me?'

Alistair crossed the room, his cane tapping loudly on the tile floor as he looked at the unconscious form of Sarah Jane. 'Who else would call themselves John Smith and be presumptive enough to tell the doctors at Royal Hope that they were her husband? Although, given that Sarah Jane has an automatic transfer order and I'm on her notification list, once she was here you could've dropped the story. No one would've asked you to leave her. Your name still has some clout, you know.'

'I didn't want to be obvious.'

Alistair looked at him incredulously. 'Since when?' When he didn't get an answer right away, he realised the Doctor's attention was elsewhere. He knew exactly where as he turned towards Sarah. 'How is she?'

'I don't know. She took a direct hit from a Vraxian blaster. In theory it should've killed her instantly.' He took a deep breath and looked at Sarah's still form. 'Instead, it just seems to have paralysed her. When I first reached her, she was barely breathing. At times it seems she's improving, and then she gets worse again.' He held her hand up against his chest. 'Her heart stopped twice on the way here from Royal Hope.'

If the Brigadier didn't know better, he could've sworn he heard the Doctor's voice break. Then he looked at the Doctor's eyes and realised that his ears hadn't deceived him. There were tears in his eyes. The Brigadier tightened the grip on his cane. 'Vraxians, you say. I'll have it taken care of.'

The Doctor gently put down Sarah's hand and stood up, walking to stand just in front of the Brigadier. 'Last time you took care of something, it was the Silurians.'

The Brigadier didn't back down from the Doctor's gaze. 'I plainly recall you weren't happy about that.'

'I'm not that man anymore. Do what you need to do, Brigadier.'

There was a fire in the Doctor's eyes that the Brigadier had never seen before. He saw the anger flaring just underneath the surface. Had the Brigadier not known the Doctor for decades, he might've been intimidated by the fierceness there. 'I'll make the call. The Vraxians won't bother Earth again,' the Brigadier stated.

The Doctor nodded. 'The sooner the better.'

'No,' Sarah's weak, yet insistent voice surprised them both.

The Doctor whirled around to see her open her eyes and give him a weak smile. He couldn't help smiling in return. 'You're awake!' He quickly went back to her side, taking her hand in his again.

'You can't destroy the Vraxians,' she said softly. 'Either one of you. I won't let you.'

'Sarah,' the Doctor argued, 'Look at what they did to you. I can't just let that go.'

She concentrated all her energy before speaking. 'And you taught me that revenge is never the answer.'

The Doctor reached up and gently ran his hand along her face. 'You almost died, Sarah. I can't lose you.'

'I'm too stubborn to die,' Sarah took a deep breath, wincing as the pain echoed through her chest. She closed her eyes again.

'Sarah?' the Doctor asked.

'Shhhh,' she gave him a wry smile without opening her eyes. 'Now, the Vraxians. Don't make me hurt either one of you two.'

The Doctor and the Brigadier exchanged glances. The Brigadier shook his head. 'I learned a long time ago not to argue with Sarah Jane. You're on your own with this one, Doctor.' He stepped closer to Sarah's bed. 'Sarah Jane, you seem to be in capable hands. Liz would've come, but she's tied up with an experiment she couldn't leave. Just let either one of us know if you need anything.'

She opened her eyes and looked up at him with a smile. 'Thank you, Brig. Tell Liz I'll call her when I get home.'

The Doctor stood up and walked out with the Brigadier. Once he was sure they were out of Sarah's earshot. 'I know what Sarah said, and I know why she said it.'

'She may be right, Doctor.'

The Doctor shook his head. 'Not this time. The Vraxians are still in orbit. Make the call, Brigadier. Sarah won't be the first victim if you don't.'

~!~!~!~

A couple of days later, Sarah walked into the house on Bannerman Road and made her way straight to the sofa. She took a deep breath as she sat down and closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against the cushion.

The Doctor watched, but said nothing. He tried not to hover too closely, although every instinct was telling him to go sit beside her. Instead, he headed into the kitchen to make her some tea.

After plugging in the kettle, he looked out the window and watched as the TARDIS door opened slightly. Throwing a quick glance over his shoulder towards the living room, he headed out the back door.

He reached the TARDIS, but the door closed in his face. 'What's the idea?' he said aloud. 'What do you mean you won't let me in without Sarah?' He frowned as he looked back towards the house. 'Yes, she could use it,' he sighed. 'Fine, I'll get her.'

He made his way back to the house and was surprised to see Sarah sitting in the kitchen, her mug in her hands. 'I thought you were resting,' he said quietly.

Sarah took a deep breath. 'I needed a real cuppa. Hospital tea is awful.' She took a sip of her tea. There was very little emotion in her voice when she spoke. 'You saved me some time by putting the kettle on, thanks.' She gestured towards the door. 'What's the news with the TARDIS?'

He dropped down into the chair opposite her. 'She's still not finished, but she has reconstructed certain rooms. She thinks you need time in the Zero Room and won't let me in without you.'

Sarah smiled. 'Nice of her.'

'Too nice.' He crossed his arms. 'What did you do to her, Sarah?'

Sarah shook her head. 'She's playing favourites again. Not my fault.' She stood up and carried her mug to the sink before turning back to him. 'So, Zero Room?' She leaned back against the counter as a wave of dizziness washed over her.

He was at her side in a second. 'Yep.' Without another word, he moved to pick her up, but she stepped to the side to stop him.

'I can manage,' she insisted.

He stepped back and looked at her, trying to gauge her emotions. 'I know, but I don't want you to have to manage.'

She started walking slowly towards the door. 'Too bad. I can do it myself.'

He knew what was bothering her. 'You're still mad about the Vraxians. We did what we needed to do.'

She looked at him, then turned and began to head across the yard. He was right behind her, just in case. She glanced over her shoulder, and when she spoke, her tone was muted. 'You did it for you, Doctor. I haven't decided how I feel about that yet.'

'You don't know what they were capable of, Sarah.'

She stopped and turned to face him. 'Oh no? I know that my exposure to the Universe may be less than yours, oh Great and Powerful Time Lord, but I also know that my reaction to adversity has to be weighed with a certain amount of logic, not impulsive decisions based on personal feelings.'

He started to respond, but stopped at the look in her eyes. Her eyes didn't reflect anger or pity, just sadness. He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. 'I'm not sorry that this planet isn't going to have to worry about the Vraxians anymore. I watched Gallifrey die, Sarah. Full of people I cared about. There was no way I would let that happen to Earth, especially not with you here. After everything else, I won't risk losing you again.'

She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his waist. 'I told you, I'm not going anywhere.' She pulled back and looked at him. 'I'm still not happy with the outcome. There was a better way.'

'Yes, well, we'll discuss it later.' The Doctor turned Sarah towards the TARDIS and with an arm around her shoulder, guided her onward. He smiled as the doors opened as they approached. 'The Zero Room awaits.'

~!~!~!~


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

In the Zero Room, the Doctor floated absently around, pulling energy from the TARDIS herself. He opened his eyes and looked around, finally realising that Sarah wasn't there. The last time he'd checked, she'd been floating along beside him, just as he'd taught her when she travelled with him.

He stood up and searched along their imprint to find her and frowned when he felt where she was. He had been hoping that she would get rested and recovered from her injuries. He wandered his way through half built corridors and noted that they seemed to all be done in a gunmetal grey colour. He frowned slightly at that, but made a note to talk to the TARDIS about it later.

He opened the hallway door and was pleasantly surprised that the pool room was larger than it had been before. A holographic image of a bright sunny day filled the ceiling and walls, and given the warmth in the room, it made a convincing image of an ocean-side resort pool.

He sat in one of the chaise lounges and simply watched as Sarah swam slowly back and forth from one end to the other. Finally, she glanced up and saw him. She swam to the side closest to him as he said, 'I was hoping you were resting and letting your body heal, Sarah.'

'Best form of isometric exercise, swimming. Gives you the interplay of muscle against muscle. So I am healing, in a way. All my muscles are stiff from being temporarily paralysed, so this was a good way to stretch them all and hopefully get my mobility back fully.'

'I don't want you to overdo it and get hurt.'

'It's a little late for that isn't it?' He glared at her, but softened when she tilted her head and gave him a small smile. 'Besides, I'm not trying to train for the Olympics.' He stood up and started to pace back and forth along the sidewalk. She regarded him for a moment. 'Being in the TARDIS is making you itchy to leave, I can tell.'

'Well, the TARDIS isn't ready yet.'

'That wasn't what I meant, and you know it.' She swam towards the steps and got out of the pool, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her. She walked over to one of the lounge chairs and sat down. He glanced over at her, then crossed over to perch on the edge of the same chair. 'You could stay, you know,' she said softly. 'Despite our time together here before, there's so much of Earth you haven't seen yet.'

He reached out and took her hand in his. 'There isn't anyone I'd rather see it with. It's hard to tell how long the TARDIS will be truly out of commission. This is the first she's let me near her in over three months. It could be months before she's ready to fly again. And we have to try to find a power source.' He sighed deeply. 'It's like my second exile all over again.'

She looked down at their joined hands. 'I'll be glad to have you with me for as long as I can.' She looked up at him, a smile crossing her features, 'I'm getting rather used to having you about.'

He reached up and gently tucked a stray strand of wet hair behind her ear. 'So, what do we do next?'

She tilted her head slightly back towards the pool. 'Go for the rest of my swim? You're welcome to join me.'

He smiled, dropping her hand, but reaching up with both hands to cup her cheeks, gently stroking them with the pads of his thumbs. 'I think I just might take you up on that offer.'

'To stay or to swim?' she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Instead of answering her, he leaned in and kissed her. After a moment, when he pulled back to allow her to breathe, he stood up and extended his hands to her. With a smile, she silently took his hands and stood up, allowing him to lead her from the room.

~!~!~!~

Sarah awoke to the touch of the Doctor tracing his fingers absently along her bare shoulders. She gave him a lazy smile as she reached up and ran her hand up and down his arm. 'I could get used to this.' She sighed. 'I wish I could, anyway.'

'Sarah, please,' he started before she reached up and put her finger over his lips.

'Think about it, Doctor. We're in the TARDIS. Your home. The Universe is your first love, how much longer until she calls you back to her?'

'It's true that I travelled the Universe before I met you, while we were together and again after we were separated.' He reached up and ran a finger along the edges of her face. 'But the Universe isn't you. It can't care for me the way you do. I chose to share the imprint with you, not with the Universe.'

She allowed his words to flow over her as she let her fingers slowly travel along his chest. As she touched him, she watched his eyes, bright blue, boring into hers as if he were reading her every thought and emotion. 'I'm not possessive by nature,' she said softly, 'but I can't help feeling a little bit that way about you.'

'I've had people come and go from my life for centuries, Sarah. You're the only one I keep coming back to.' He hooked his leg around hers and pulled her even closer. 'I need you,' he said huskily before kissing her deeply. Finally letting her catch her breath, he continued to trail kisses along her forehead and cheeks. 'How's this for possessive?' he whispered between kisses.

'Strangely enough,' she smiled before continuing, 'I'm finding I don't mind it that much.'

The Doctor continued to teasingly kiss the sensitive skin just beneath her ear, and she couldn't stop a small moan from escaping, causing him to smile. 'You know how to make me singularly focused, Sarah Jane,' he whispered.

'Being the focus of all that Time Lord energy could be a daunting prospect.'

He pulled back and looked at her. 'Oh really?'

She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly to her. 'Good thing it doesn't faze me.'

~!~!~!~

The Doctor and Sarah walked hand in hand into the console room. Sarah looked around at the gunmetal grey surroundings. Letting go of the Doctor's hand, she frowned as she made her way to the console itself. 'Are you sure this is the way you want to go?' She waited for a moment, listening. Putting her hands on the console, she said softly, 'The war is over, you don't have to be built for it anymore.'

At the TARDIS's response, she turned and looked around the room, then towards the Doctor. 'What do you think?' She asked him as he walked over next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist.

'Something with some colour, maybe?' He looked around. 'Blue, green?'

She looked around, closing her eyes and visualising what she'd seen before. 'You want something warm, something that isn't going to constantly remind you of everything you went through.' She turned towards the monitor as the TARDIS began to put sample colours on the screen. Sarah watched her go through several, then smiled. 'That's the one.' She stepped aside to let the Doctor see. 'Coral and green. I'd prefer just the coral myself, but the green suits you, don't you think?' She looked up at the Doctor when he didn't respond. 'Well?'

He stared at the monitor, then tilted his head slightly, an expression crossing his features that she couldn't quite put her finger on. He turned to her and smiled, then leaned over and kissed her temple. 'That's perfect, Sarah, absolutely perfect.' He reached up and turned her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. 'Thank you, Sarah.'

~!~!~!~

The Doctor paced Sarah's attic, waiting for Mr. Smith to return the results of his scan. Sarah sat nearby on the small sofa, occasionally looking up at the Doctor, but mostly trying to concentrate on her book.

'Doctor, I do believe I've found a suitable power source for you,' Mr. Smith finally announced.

'Where?'

'Cardiff. There is a rift that could be used to draw power from. You would need to make some adjustments to the TARDIS, but of course I would be happy to assist.'

'Thank you Mr. Smith.' He turned to Sarah and smiled. 'It's close by.'

She nodded slowly. 'Indeed.'

'I can safely charge the TARDIS!' His excitement was building.

'That's great,' she said softly. She already knew what was coming, but she'd lived in a certain element of denial. It had been almost six months since the Doctor arrived in the nearby alley, and now, she could sense him being pulled away from her. She knew the Universe needed him. It needed him more than she needed him, although if she were honest with herself and had a choice, she'd be selfish and keep him with her.

She sighed, knowing her wishes wouldn't be fair to either one of them, or to the events she knew had to play out. She had the advantage in this situation. She knew the future, or at least part of his future. He would leave her, have adventures and something would happen for him to regenerate before she would see him again. His voice broke through her reverie and she realised he was talking to her.

'Sarah?'

She shook her head ever so slightly to clear her mind. 'Sorry, just lost in thought. What did you say?'

He crossed his arms as he looked at her. 'I said I want you to go with me to Cardiff. I don't know how long it'll take the TARDIS to charge.'

She nodded. 'All right, I can do that.' A part of her was grateful for the opportunity to spend more time with him, but the other part couldn't shake the knowledge that things were coming to an end. Again. Her heart was already beginning to ache.

~!~!~!~

After a relatively uneventful fortnight in Cardiff, the TARDIS materialised in Sarah's back garden. The doors opened and Sarah walked out, soon followed by the Doctor. 'See, right back where we started,' he said with a smile.

She leaned into him playfully, 'Maybe you're finally getting better with these short trips.'

'Are you questioning my piloting skills?'

'Who, me? Never.' Sarah patted the outside of the TARDIS affectionately, 'Her, I trust.' She started walking towards the house, then sensed that the Doctor wasn't following her. She stopped walking and her fists clenched as she closed her eyes. This was the moment she'd known was coming and dreaded more than anything. She refused to turn around.

The Doctor felt the sadness radiating out from her. 'Sarah?'

Taking a deep breath, she finally turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She knew instinctively what was coming, especially once she realised he hadn't moved from just outside the TARDIS doors.

He was puzzled by her uneven jaw, the expression on her face and the emotions coming from her in waves. 'I just want to take her out for a quick spin, just to make sure everything's in working order.' He gestured back towards the door. 'Come with me.'

She shook her head, tears in her eyes. 'I can't.'

He closed the distance between them and let his hands rest on her upper arms. 'Why not, Sarah? We'll come right back and then we can check out that Bubbleshock factory Liz sent you the results on.'

'Or not, I know how things go with you.'

'Just think, it could be like old times. Well, better than old times really. No more Time Lord rules to get in our way. Travelling the universe with my best friend, I can't imagine a better way.' He looked into her eyes, his voice soft, almost pleading. 'Come on, Sarah. Please?'

She reached up and held his face in her hands. 'I wish I could, but not this time.'

'You know something, don't you?'

She nodded slowly. 'You taught me a lot about protecting the timelines.'

He leaned down and kissed her ever so softly, then pulled back and looked into her eyes before quickly pulling her to him in a tight embrace. 'Oh Sarah Jane, I can be back in five minutes, you'd never miss me.' He rested his chin on the top of her head. 'But it's not going to be that simple is it?'

'Not with us, apparently,' she mumbled, her face buried in his chest. 'We've never been simple.'

He picked her up, and held her to him, spinning her around, just making sure to breathe in as much of her as he could. 'At least we have our imprint back. Ultimately, it means we'll never be separated again.' He finally sat her back down on the ground.

'That's why I can let you go so you can do what you need to do. And I can stay here and do what I need to do.' She reached up and ran a hand gently along the edge of his jaw. 'Do me one favour, please? Just be fantastic.'

With a nod, the Doctor finally turned and headed towards the TARDIS. At Sarah's voice calling him, he whirled back to face her.

'Doctor?' She took a deep breath. 'Make sure to tell her it travels in time too.'

A confused looked crossed his face. 'What?'

'You'll know what that means when the time comes.'

He nodded. 'I'll be back, Sarah. So get used to seeing me around. We still have our imprint, and no one can take it from us now.'

She could only nod in response as words seemed insufficient.

The Doctor gave her a sad smile, then disappeared into the TARDIS. As the winds of dematerialisation spun around her, she took a deep breath and headed back into the house. While they'd been in Cardiff, she'd gotten the message from Liz about the results from this new drink that was already being heavily marketed. The test results indicated that it was worth investigating, and Sarah figured she might as well get started on it.

~!~!~!~

The stairs to the attic seemed so much steeper as Sarah slowly made her way upstairs. As she opened the door, she was startled to see the TARDIS parked in the corner. The Doctor was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, a smirk on his face. 'See Sarah, five minutes, not long enough for you to even miss me.'

'How long has it been for you?'

'Almost a year, give or take a year or two.'

Sarah laughed at his description, it was so typical of him. 'So have you met…'

He cut her off and nodded. 'Rose. Yes.'

'Where…'

'She's with her mum and Ricky the idiot.'

'Mickey,' she corrected, 'is not an idiot. You'll realise that one day.'

'If you say so. Now, enough about them.' He gave her a warm smile as he opened his arms.

Sarah shook her head disbelievingly, smiling as she crossed the room and walked straight into his embrace.

THE END?

~!~!~!~

_ Author's Note: This told the story of how the imprint was re-established for the Doctor after the Time War, but what about for Sarah? How did she get it back? To see how the timelines were set to rights, stay tuned for "Healing Goes Both Ways"._


End file.
